The Marvelous Adventures of a MarySue: CON
by Evanescence2189
Summary: The Pevensies meet their greatest foe yet: the horror to all fictional humanity known as the dreaded Mary-Sue. Follow the tale of an epic Peter/OC gone wrong. And to think, it all started with The Book.
1. Opening Credits

**Summary: The Pevensies face their most challenging battle yet. The dreaded Mary-Sue in all its pretty pink glory, in the form of a book. The Book. **_**Co-written with Witchy Pixie.**_

**I've been writing a Mary-Sue parody with Witchy Pixie for the **_**Inheritance Cycle**_** fandom, one my partner-in-crime knows very well. After a while of writing it with her, we thought, Witchy Pixie knows so much about **_**Inheritance Cycle**_** Sues, I know a lot about **_**Chronicles of Narnia**_** Sues. Why not write a second Sue parody about **_**Chronicles of Narnia**_**? We both hope you enjoy reading as much as we're enjoying writing it, thought we both feel as if we've lost brain cells while trying to impersonate a Sue. **

**Disclaimer: I, nor does Witchy Pixie, own **_**Chronicles of Narnia**_**.**

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><p><em>~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Chronicles of Narnia~<em>

Prologue – Opening Credits

Peter wandered the strangely empty halls of the Cair, wondering not for the first time where his family was. He hadn't seen hide nor hair of them in hours, which could mean nothing good. Finally, he came to the library where he heard quite a lot of giggling.

"Oh, my. Peter really should see this. It's slightly disturbing, but hilarious," he heard Susan comment.

"Oh yes, I'm sure he'll be scarred for life." Okay, now he needed to intervene. This could not be good..he braced himself and entered the room.

"What will scar me for life?" Peter asked. Quickly, Edmund closed what appeared to be a book in his lap, hiding it behind his back. Peter raised a brow.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Nothing," the three of them chorused. Peter was skeptical, to say the least. He reached behind Edmund and plucked the book from his grasp.

"What is this?" he questioned.

"Um, it's a book," Edmund replied. Peter gave him a look.

"I know it's a book. I'm saying what are you all reading?"

"Would you like to find out? It's called 'A Dream to Remember,' by Petersgurl123," Susan said with a suddenly wicked smile. Why did Peter feel apprehension from that look?

"I suppose I have no choice do I?" Peter asked with a wry grin.

"Nope," Lucy said cheerfully, opening the book the beginning.

"Chapter One," she began.

_Leana Lily Allison Jones sat at the edge of the bridge, sobs wracking her body as crystalline tears dropped from her angelic face. She huddled in a ball, but winced as the bumped her fresh bruises. Her boyfriend, Zack, had just raped her after two years of being together. She had thought they were perfectly happy, but apparently Zack had only stayed with her for her body, marvelously beautiful that it was. She had stumbled home to her father, only to realize that he was drunk again. After finding out that she had been raped, he had gone into an alcohol induced rage and beat her senseless. She could have gotten herself pregnant after all, and what an embarrassment would that have been to him the family name. It was worse than usual, and she had been forced to run away from the house. She escaped to the bridge by her house, and had stumbled on her bruised legs, falling right here where she now lay in a bloodied heap. _

_Finally, she stood up shakily, holding onto the railing, and prepared herself to jump. There was nothing left for her here. Her father was an abusive drunk, her boyfriend, no matter what he claimed, did not love her the way she had thought she had. She had no friends to speak of, since she was shy and not very talkative. Her mother was gone—she had died in childbirth…Leana had always felt guilty for that. She had no other living relatives…she thought she would just end her life here and now. Standing on the edge, she looked down at the churning black waters below._

"_I'm sorry, Mum." And with that, she jumped to her death._

"What is this? This is horrible, appalling! Why are you even letting Lucy read this? Why are you all laughing?" Peter asked in a flustered frenzy.

"Trust me, you're going to wish she died," Edmund assured him.

"…Wait, what do you mean? Didn't she just fall to her death?" Peter asked, now confused.

"You wish," Lucy said.

_Leana felt light, as if she was flying, but she couldn't see anything. Finally, she heard a voice speak._

"_Child, it is not yet your time. I have a mission for you," said the voice._

"_Who are you? Am I dead?" Leana asked the strange voice._

"_Not yet, Young One. It is not yet your time, go back."_

"_Go back where?" And with that she felt herself falling—falling into a deep abyss. Then suddenly, she was able to take a deep breath. Her eyes fluttered open, and all she saw was white, and a pair of stormy blue eyes before her eyes closed once more._

"I wonder who that could be," Edmund thought with a grin. Susan shushed him, and elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

_Peter Pevensie looked down at the young woman in his arms in awe. She had fallen from the sky, a disconcerting thought. Also, she was battered and bruised, but he could admit, if only to himself, that she was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. She had shining blonde hair that reached her waist, a slender, petite figure, skin as pale as the moon and, though he viewed them but little, eyes the color of the ocean's waves._

_She was perfect._

"Thinks much of herself doesn't she?" commented Susan.

_Peter turned and brought the girl into the house of the beavers._

"Wait, wait. Is this the story of how we first came to Narnia?" asked Peter after getting over the shock of hearing himself admire a woman in such colorful adjectives.

"Yes, it appears it is, though she skipped a lot. This is as far as we've gotten," said Lucy.

"Well, let's keep going then," Edmund said.

_When Leana came to, she noticed many things. One, she was under many blankets, and all her wounds had been treated. Two, she appeared to be in a small house of some sort. Three, she could hear voices speaking a little ways off from her._

"_Isn't there anything we can do to help Mr. Tumnus?" a high-pitched whiny voice asked._

"Whiny?" Lucy asked indignantly.

"_No, I'm afraid not. They took him to the Witch's house. And not many who go in, come out again." Leana peered out from her bed only to see-a talking beaver! Two beavers…maybe that one could talk too! 'Omigawd!'_

The Pevensies all looked to each other in confusion.

"What is the meaning of this phrase, 'O-mi-gawd?'" Peter asked in confusion. In turn, his brother and sisters all shrugged.

_She saw a little girl about seven or eight. 'Oh, I love children!' she thought to herself. A girl only a little bit younger than herself, but she had stringy, ugly brown hair with a pasty complexion. The girl was too skinny, was disgustingly ugly, and had dull grey eyes that were nothing compared to Leana's beautiful blue-green ones. Of course she would pale in comparison to Leana's infinite beauty. Besides her cruel boyfriend, she could have gotten any man she wanted. She turned heads on a daily basis, was given three marriage proposal's a week, even though she was only sixteen, and men practically worshiped the ground she walked on._

"Full of herself isn't she?" Edmund commented. Meanwhile, Susan was distinctly annoyed.

"Disgustingly ugly? Who does this little girl think she is?" Susan asked. Lucy gave her a pitying gaze, but read on.

_Off to the side of the group, she saw a black-haired boy, no older than about ten or eleven. He was scowling, and looked kind of bratty—_

"Hey!"

_But Leana could tell, in a couple years, he was going to be a yummylishious stud._

"What in Aslan's name was that?" Edmund asked, wondering if he should be insulted or feel praised.

_Then she saw…oh boy. It was _the _William Mosely in the flesh! Well, in this, it was Peter Pevensie. She now realized that she was in Narnia, as in, Chronicles of Narnia. She had loved the movies as a kid, and fantasized about Peter ever since she laid her eyes on his sexy beastness._

There was a period of silence before peals of laughter could be heard throughout the room, at Peter's expense of course.

"'Sexy beastness?'" Peter asked incredulously, his face burning beet red.

"Oh…oh, that was the most hilarious thing I've ever heard!" Edmund said, holding his stomach in laughter.

'_Omigawd! It's, like, Peter! Omigawd he is _so _hawt. I have to talk to him.' With these thoughts in mind, she stood up, now feeling fully healed and rejuvenated after seeing her beloved. _

"Excuse me? Beloved? I think not," Peter said with a frown.

_She already knew from the movie that the Pevensies had gotten here through a wardrobe in the Professor's house because they had been sent away during World War II and Lucy had seen it first and that Edmund was going to sneak away in a little while._

"Was that not the longest sentence you've ever seen? And how did she know I was going to sneak out?" Edmund asked as he blushed. He didn't like to relive his previous idiocy over again.

"_Oh, why hello. You're awake, I wasn't expecting you to wake up for quite some time with the fall you took, coupled with your injuries," said Mrs. Beaver. Leana smiled gratefully._

"_Oh yes, well, I feel much better now, thank you. Did I hear you say Mr. Tumnus?" Leana asked._

"_Yes, unfortunately, our faun friend has been captured by the White Witch. She is the one who makes this land a never-ending winter. But fortunately for us, Aslan is on the move," said Mr. Beaver encouragingly. Though the Pevensies had no idea what the beaver was talking about, Leana knew perfectly well, since she saw the movies. _

"_Who's that?" Lucy asked in her adorably childlike voice._

"Oh, so now I'm adorable and childlike. That makes sense," said Lucy with a roll of her eyes.

"At least you're not bratty, but may have a chance of being good looking when you get older," Edmund replied dryly.

"_Why, He's only the king of the whole wood! The top geezer, the real king of Narnia!" Leana just tried not to look too bored at the beaver's ramblings. Yes, it was Aslan, He's awesome, we know. _

"Oh, she just insulted Aslan. That's going too far!" said Edmund indignantly.

"_He just got back, and He's waiting for you at the Stone Table!"_

"_He's waiting for us?" Susan the Ugly asked. _

"Really, that's original," muttered Susan.

"You have a new nickname," said Lucy wickedly.

"_You're bloomin' joking! They don't even know about the prophecy!" Mr. Beaver exclaimed to Mrs. Beaver. 'Then tell them already!' Leana thought. She already knew what it was, but the Pevensie children were looking at him expectantly. _

"_Look, there's a prophecy: 'When Adam's Flesh and Adam's bone sits on Cair Paravel in throne, the evil time will be over and done."_

"At least she got that part right. This 'Petersgurl123' has missed many of our lines," Peter said with a disapproving frown.

"_You know, that doesn't really rhyme," stupid Susanna said stupidly _("Really?")_. _

"_You're kind of missing the point," Mr. Beaver replied with a sigh. "But, there is another prophecy." Oh? Leana didn't know of any other prophecy._

"_There shall be two sons of Adam, and three daughters of Eve. One daughter of Eve will protect them in their mission, and through the love of two, peace shall be restored." Ooh, Leana liked the sound of that. She pretty much knew it had to be her, since the others were destined to rule, though she knew she would too one day. How could someone as majestic as her _not _rule? But for now, it would be her duty to protect the Pevensies. She sure wouldn't mind protecting Peter! *wink wink*_

"_This prophecy was made for you," Mr. Beaver said to Leana. "What is your name, dear?"_

"_It's Leana Lily Allison Jones, but you can call me Leana, or Leina, whichever you prefer." She decided she wouldn't tell them that she was from the future, 2011, and that she knew at this time Edmund was going to sneak out of the house. She didn't want to alter the history of the story too much with her presence, and it wasn't like Edmund would be hurt too badly. He'd just get ruffed up along the way, see a few animals get killed or whatever. But he'd be back a change person! Not the bratty kid he was now. If anything, she was doing him a favor. It'd be character building. _

"_Hey, where's Edmund?"_

"End chapter one," Lucy said, an angry edge in her tone. Edmund was by all means, furious.

"Hurt too badly! I was beaten and starved in that accursed castle! What a bloody load of rubbish!" Edmund said, raising his voice.

"Edmund, it is infuriating, but please watch your language," said Susan. Peter clenched his teeth at the description. That particular moment in their story hadn't been easy for him, to know that he had failed in his attempts to keep his family safe. But it had just been mocked, and this girl hadn't done anything to stop it. He had felt a certain pity for her before, but now he didn't want anything to do with the girl that supposedly had a "thing" for him. Too bad this was only the beginning.

**Haha! Here's chapter one of our new Sue parody! Witchy Pixie and I hoped you all liked it. Please R&R!**


	2. Making a Run for It, & Father Christmas

**Hey everyone! Thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter. Witchy Pixie and I hope you enjoy the, well, technically the first chapter, since the last one was the prologue. ;P**

**Disclaimer: Neither I, nor Witchy Pixie, own Chronicles of Narnia and its characters…except for Leana/Leina Lily Allison Jones.**

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><p><em>~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Chronicles of Narnia~<em>

Chapter One – Making a Run for It, and Father Christmas's Gifts Given in Abundance

The four Pevensies, now not as enthusiastic as before about The Book, now sat in an awkward silence. Should they continue, or should they just put the damned thing away, never to be seen again? Finally, Edmund broke the silence.

"Not that this isn't _loads _of fun, but are we continuing or not?" he asked, tapping his fingers against his thigh impatiently.

"You actually _want_ to continue?" Susan replied in surprise, as did Lucy and Peter.

"Well, we might as well read how much she changed about our life—I mean it is _our _story she's messing with."

"Well…then someone else has to read. I really don't want to read every chapter," said Lucy, eyeing the book in her lap warily. There was a moment of silence in which each stared at the other: Lucy's eyes pleading, Peter with an uncomfortable expression, really hoping he wouldn't have to read, and Edmund just plain refused with his body language and crossed arms. This left Susan with the metaphorical "short stick." Grumbling to herself, she begrudgingly snatched the book from her younger sister's hands and began to read.

_They made a run for it, through the Beavers' secret tunnels. They were so dark and dirty that not only could Leana not see a thing, but now she was covered in a layer dust that would surely stain her clothes. Leana wrinkled her nose cutely at the thought, but she kept up the pace along with the Pevensies and the Beavers. As they were running, she failed to see a root branching up from the ground and tripped, shielding her face with her arms. Her eyes closed, preparing for an impact that…strangely never came. Leana looked up into a pair of crystal blue eyes and a blushing face, and blushed herself._

"I wonder who that could be," Susan muttered.

"How do you blush yourself?" asked Edmund with a confused look.

_Peter set me on my feet, moving his hands away faster than I would've liked. Then I realized that the others were giving us impatient looks, except for Mr. Beaver who was still digging out our escape, and Lucy who was grinning behind her hand, a knowing look on her face._

"Does anyone else notice that she changed point of views?" asked Susan. Edmund grinned at his brother sitting beside him.

"So, crystal blue, huh?" Peter didn't reply, retaining his sense of dignity (though his cheeks were now touched with red), but still narrowed his eyes in warning. Edmund simply contented himself with the knowledge that Peter, the esteemed _High King_, was blushing from the thoughts of a fictional character.

_Finally we were able to tumble out of the cave, but what we saw there would be imprinted in my mind for however long we stayed in this strange and wonderful place. Many woodland creatures were standing in a frozen death in front of their homes, fear forever painted on their faces. Mr. Beaver grieved for his friend, Badger, and the scene actually touched my heart…okay, that's enough sad stuff. Moving on. They're just a few chipmunks anyway._

"What a monster!" Lucy exclaimed.

"An unfeeling beast," roared Peter. Susan only shook her head while Edmund frowned deeply, eyeing the accursed book as if to burn it with his eyes.

"Chipmucks _can _be annoying…" mused Susan.

Everyone else stared at her like she was the biggest traitor in Narnia.

"I'm just saying!"

_Suddenly, I heard a rustling from the bushes in front of us, and I held my breath. I had a feeling of what, or who, it would be, but I was still a bit jumpy from being in such proximity to Peter, who was standing right behind me. I could feel his eyes burning holes on the back of my head, and blushed. _

"Aww!" said Lucy.

Peter carefully looked out the window as if intensely interested in the weather.

_Again I heard the noise, and bravely decided to act._

"_You, whoever you are, come out from that bush!" I commanded. A fox slinked out from the shrubbery, a cunning smile spread across the creatures face._

"_Take one step, Traitor, and I'll chew you to splinters!" roared Mr. Beaver. I inwardly rolled my eyes. 'Like you could do anything, puny beaver,' I thought. But I held my tongue, lest Peter think badly of me._

"By the Mane, would you _stop _thinking of me? _Stupid woman!_" Peter exclaimed in annoyance, a blush once again dusting his cheeks. His siblings only gave him strange looks before Susan continued in her reading.

"_Relax, I'm one of the good guys," the fox purred._

"Foxes don't purr, imbecile," Edmund said, rolling his eyes.

"_Really? Because you sure look like one of the bad ones," Beaver replied. From the cave, which was now none too securely closed off, I could hear the wolves doing their best to get through the barrel we rolled in front of it to keep it shut. _

"_We're running out of time, if you haven't noticed," said the fox, his tail swiping back and forth in annoyance. _

"_What did you have in mind?" I asked, careful to not let any urgency leak into my voice._

_xXxLEIK, PAGE BREAK GUYSxXx_

"What the devil is this?" Susan asked. Edmund looked over her shoulder and pointed.

"That's a page break."

"I know, that's what it says. But why is it written like that?" Susan asked dryly.

"I don't know! She's an idiot. Why are you so concerned about a page break when your brother is being highly misinterpreted?" asked Edmund.

_I was in a tree. I was in a tree, leik, fifty feet up in the air and probably getting splinters and tears in my dress. Though I was happy, because I was in a small tree that didn't fit five people plus the beavers, so I got to sit on Peter's lap. Sure he was all cute and blushing, but that's what made it more fun. I kinda like shy guys. They make it more of a challenge to seduce, but it's worth it in the end. _

"_Where are the humans," the wolf captain asked. The whole pack circled Fox, trying to intimidate the smaller creature._

"_Humans, here in Narnia? That's an interesting bit of information don't you think?" The foxes chuckling was turned into whimpering by the pain of sharp teeth being embedded into the flesh of his back. I almost cried out at the sight. I could be indifferent, but that was cruel and uncalled for! _

"So the witch does have emotions," Lucy mused.

"Hey, don't call her a witch. That's an insult to Jadis," said Edmund, still rankled over the dismissal of the chipmunks' fate.

"_For the last time, where are the humans? I won't ask again," growled Maugrim. Finally, when the pain grew to be too much, the fox relented._

"_North, they ran north," Fox said, appearing to give up. Maugrim seemed satisfied, and nodded to the wolf holding the fox in his jaws, who in turn tossed the fox aside. The pack ran in the direction the fox had given, all unaware that they were false. _

"Another one of these page breaks aaaaaand….here we go!" said Susan, picking up where the break ended.

_We sat by a camp fire, Mrs. Beaver tending to the fox's injuries. I admired the little animal for his courageousness, and was thankful for him saving us. It was a first for me to admire anyone besides Peter and…oh what's his name…Ben Barnes…but I guess that's another Narnia story. I forgot he wasn't in this one. Darn. He was hot. Peter was better though, so it wasn't too big a loss. Anyway, after Mrs. Beaver was done, the fox took off, mumbling something about Aslan waiting for us at the Stone Table or something. Not that I needed a newsflash, I mean, I was ready to kick some ass. But I forgot that the rest of them don't think that's a good idea yet. _

"_We just want our brother back," Peter said. He had the most adorably sad expression on his face that I had ever seen, and just wanted to hug him! I felt bad for him, but Edmund would turn up eventually._

"Please don't, I'd rather not have to burn my clothes afterward," said Peter in a deadpan.

"And…I'm not adorable," he added as an afterthought.

"I think you're adorable," said Lucy in a mischievous voice.

_The next day, we walked and walked for hours until we got to a wide expanse of treeless tundra._

"_We need to walk past here, come on humans, while we're still young!" Beaver shouted to us who were lagging behind._

"_So, where are you from? With all the action we haven't really gotten to know you," Peter said, starting conversation. I smiled nervously, wondering how I was going to explain. _

"_Well, it's sort of a complicated story. I was by a bridge and…I fell off, to the bottom of an icy lake. I could only assume that I drowned, but suddenly I was here. You…you saved me when you found me. I'm sure it was you…I recognize your blue eyes." Peter blushed at my response, but I could tell he was curious._

"_So, you're from England?" he asked._

"_No, I'm not, but it's somewhere you would know." Peter looked at me strangely._

"_Okay, so why did you jump off of a bridge?"_

"_It's…complicated…actually, can we talk about this part of my story later, when we have some privacy? I'm not too comfortable telling it yet, and it's a hard one to talk about if I'm going to tell you all about it," I said with a sigh. Peter regarded me for a moment before giving a smile and taking my hand._

"_Sure, and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Peter," he said before gently kissing my hand. I wanted to giggle like a school girl, but I held back my natural urge to squee in delight, instead simply smiling in return. Although, my body betrayed me when I could feel myself blushing._

"_I am the eldest of my three siblings. Susan, the second youngest, is over there next to Mr. Beaver. Edmund, who is over there brooding in the corner, is the third youngest, and then there's Lucy, who is the youngest and my baby sister," Peter said, pointing to each of his sisters and brother. Of course I knew all this already, but I knew that he didn't know that I knew, so I had to keep up the act that I didn't know, lest he figure out that I knew. _

"_Alright,_ we _get it_. MOVE ON!" shouted Susan. The other three looked at their sister strangely in light of her sudden outburst, but were all in silent agreement of her statement/exclamation.

_Suddenly, we were cut off from our conversation when we heard the sound of sleigh bells behind us._

"_Come on! It's her!" Mrs. Beaver shouted. 'Oh no, it's the Witch!' I thought before taking off alongside Peter, who held my hand when I started lagging behind. We made it to the safety cover of the forest, and hid in a small cave that would barely fit all of us in. I blushed as I felt a familiar hand under my rear._

"_Who's hand is that," I whispered furiously. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Peter blush, and in an instant, the hand was gone. I gave him a dry, cursory glance._

"_Sorry," he mouthed as the sound of footsteps drew near…and suddenly stopped. _

"_It stopped," Lucy whispered._

"_No_," Edmund muttered sarcastically.

"I would _never _take such a liberty with a woman I had only just met," said Peter indignantly.

"_Maybe I should go take a look," Peter said. By some sort of instinct, I grabbed onto his hand, forcing him to stay, right as Mr. Beaver spoke what I couldn't at the moment._

"_No, you're nothing to Narnia dead, I'll go," he said. Peter sat back down reluctantly, and looked down to our conjoined hands. I let go with a blush, and refused to look his way. After a long silence, I wondered if Mr. Beaver had been discovered. But I was scared out of my wits when he popped his head back in from above us._

"_I hope you've all been good, 'cause there's someone here to see ya!" I let out a breath of relief, inwardly smacking myself for forgetting that this was the part that we got out gifts from Father Christmas. Wow, I needed to watch the movie again when I got home…not that I planned to after this. _

"_Presents!" Little Lucy exclaimed when she saw Father Christmas with the ginumbo bag of presents for the Narnians. The man laughed heartily and welcomed us._

"_Little _Lucy?" growled said queen. "That's going too far!"

"_We…thought you were the Witch," said Susan timidly. 'Well he isn't, bitch,' I thought to myself. Psh, what an annoying hoe. _

Susan's face looked redder than a tomato, while Edmund, Peter, and Lucy tried their best not to snigger. They failed…miserably.

"I'll kill her, I'll shoot her between the eyes!" Susan screeched in outrage.

"Now _that's _ladylike," Peter said, no longer attempting to control his laughter.

"_Well, in my defense, I've been driving one of these a lot longer that the Witch," Father Christmas replied, laying a hand on the side of his sleigh. He pulled out the bag of presents and beckoned Lucy forward with a finger. He handed her a glass bottle of some flower juice, and said it could heal any injury. _

"_And though I hope you don't have to use this," Father Christmas let the sentence hang off and handed the girl a small, golden dagger. Lucy smiled in thanks before stepping back slightly._

"_Susan," he called, handing her a bow and a quiver of arrows._

"_Trust in this bow, and it won't easily miss," he said. In other words, "stop being a freaking downer and believe in Narnia. Otherwise, you're dead in battle. Got that?" I felt like saying. _

Peals of laughter erupted from the "audience," at the expense of Susan, who was so red that she was in danger of imploding at this point.

"Yeah Su, stop being such a downer!" Edmund said, nudging Susan on the shoulder. She gave him an icy glare, which did make him back up a little bit.

"_Though you don't seem to have a problem making yourself heard…" Father Christmas said as he handed Susan an ivory horn. _

"_Blow on this, and help will come." Susan muttered her thanks before stepping aside. _

"_Peter." Peter walked forward, and took the offered sword and shield._

"_The time for these is at hand. Bear them well," the man said as Peter examined the clean, sharp sword. It was probably the most beautiful sword I had ever seen._

"_Thanks," Peter said with a grateful smile. Finally, Father Christmas turned to me._

"_Leana, don't think I forgot about you." I smiled shyly—_

"_That's_ a first," Peter said.

_And stepped forward. Out of his bag, he revealed a short sword in similar design to Peter's sword, along with a belt. _

"_This should aid you well in future times." He then gave me a bow and quiver of arrows in similar design to Susan's bow and arrows, but I could see that they were improved in how fast they could reach the target, and they were longer that Susan's arrows. Finally, he pulled out a silver chain, and clipped it around my neck. A small, circular pendant appeared, and glowed a faint red with power. In the middle of the pendant there was a black stone (that glowed crimson) and had the emblem of fire carved in the color of fire itself. _

"_This is a special necklace given to you by Aslan himself to help you in your journey. He will explain, but this is not all," Father Christmas said._

"What else _is _there? She's been given half the bag already!" Edmund exclaimed.

"_When the time comes, you will unlock a special power that only you can wield as you see fit, but only when you discover what the true power of love is." The riddle didn't confuse me per say, but I didn't really know what he was talking about when he meant the "power of love." Oh well. I was grateful for the many gifts though._

"_Thank you Father Christmas," I said. He smiled, and gave us his good byes before riding his sleigh powered by magic flying reindeer into the sunset._

"End chapter one," said Susan.

"Wait a minute, end chapter one? I thought we already read chapter one," said Peter, slightly nervously.

"That was the prologue, this was the actual chapter one," she replied with a sigh. She sympathized with the withering look he gave her, but she wanted to know how this rubbish ended. She wondered how a certain someone would react if they were here at the moment…

**Yay! Chapter two…one…well, the chapter's done. Witchy Pixie and I hoped that you all had some laughs, cuz we sure did while writing and reading each other's work. Happy Summer Vacation everyone! **

–**E2189 and Witchy Pixie**


	3. The River of Almost Death

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Chronicles of Narnia~_

Chapter Two – The River of Almost-Death, and Beaver Bashing

They gathered again in the "Reading Room," as it had been called as of late. It was really just a small corner of the Cair's library. The chair they had pulled in front of the couch designated the reader of the _Book_. Peter looked at it in trepidation, and wondered he was about to read of his future molestation.

"So, who will read this time?" asked Susan. Her eyes shifted to her younger brother, and pinned him where he stood. Edmund sighed in defeat.

"Oh, fine," he said, sitting in the chair. He picked up the Book, which sat innocently on a small, round table, belying its true, evil nature.

_We walked until we came upon a huge cliff. It made way to a waterfall, and a steep drop. But the ice that had kept the river still had begun to melt, and chunks of ice broke off with the flowing water. _

"_We need to cross, _now!_" said Peter. _

"_Don't beaver's make dams?" Lucy asked innocently._

"_We're not that fast, dear," said Mr. Beaver, shaking his head. _

"_Let's go!" Peter urged, grabbing my hand tightly in his. I blushed as he pulled me and his sister along, but I wasn't complaining. _

"_Wait, maybe we should think about this for a minute," Susan protested._

"_We don't _have_ a minute, Susan. The wolves will surely get us if we stay a moment longer!" I said in agitation. She really needed to learn when to shut her yap. _

"The indignity!" exclaimed Susan.

"She has a point…" Edmund mumbled.

"_What was that?_" Susan grounded out.

"Nothing." Discreetly, he inched the chair away. He cleared his throat, and continued.

"_I'm just trying to be realistic," she replied defensively._

"_No, you're trying to be smart," I said. _

"_As usual," added Peter. He led us down the cliff, slowly and carefully. There was a moment when I accidentally miss-stepped, and my foot slid off the glazed rock. I shrieked in terror as I nearly fell, but a strong arm braced around my waist. I looked up sharply into pale blue orbs, and saw both panic and fear for me in their depths._

"_Thanks," I murmured. _

"_No problem," said Peter. He slowly let go of me, helping me down the slope. But I noticed that he stayed directly behind me until we reached the ground. And believe me, I was happy to see it. Peter tested the ice of the river, and quickly stepped backwards as it broke a bit under his foot. _

"_Wait, maybe I should go first," said Mr. Beaver. _

"_Yes, maybe you should," Peter agreed. I did as well. Better the buck-tooth meat patty with rubber feet fall into the ice cold water than me. I had a skirt on, for heaven's sake._

"What an insulting thing to say! Mr. and Mrs. Beaver would be outraged!" said Lucy.

_The ground cracked slightly as the beaver made his way across the river, stepping carefully while patting his tail on the ice to test the stability. _

"_You've been sneaking second helpings again, haven't you?" asked Mrs. Beaver. I could see why she would think that, since the ground under Mr. Tubby-Fat-Ass was about to crumble beneath him. _

"_You never know which meal is gonna be your last—especially with your cooking," he replied. Sure. Blame your wife for your poor dietary habits. So typical of a male. _

"_Look!" Lucy shouted, pointing above us. The wolves were there, and ran to the other side, blocking our way of escape. We turned to run in the opposite direction to see more wolves behind us. We were utterly trapped, with no means of escape._

"_No!" Mrs. Beaver shouted as a wolf's jaws clamped around Mr. Beaver's neck. '_Quick, eat him!_' Oh well, I supposed I was the Queen of Wishful Thinking if I thought that the beaver would get himself killed. The wolf would probably spit him out in distaste…or would that be if it ate Susan? I would probably never know. Oh wait, was that me wishing again?_

"We won't even discuss that," said Edmund, moving on from Susan's protest.

_Peter unsheathed his sword._

*Girlish giggles*

"Wha…Lu!"

"What?"

_He pointed it shakily at Maugrim, who leapt in front of them._

"_Put that down boy, someone could get hurt," the wolf growled. _

"_Uh, duh. That's kind of the point," I said, taking my own sword from its sheath. _

"_Don't worry about me!" Mr. Beaver said out of nowhere. Um…don't worry. I won't. "Run him through!" I would have, but I thought this was more Peter's battle than mine. But only because he looks so damn _sexy_ killing wolves._

"Wow, she shows pride and humility in one sentence. How is that even possible?" Lucy asked.

"It's a wonder to me," Peter said. He shrugged in spite of his blushing self at the girl's comment.

"_Leave now while you still can, and you're brother goes with you," said Maugrim. It was a blatant lie, even I could see right through it._

"_Peter, maybe we should listen to him!" Susan said. Stupid bitch. Always ready to jump on some bullshit. _

"Ed! Don't read that!" Peter said in more of a whisper. "Think of Lucy."

"I'm right here you know, and I'm not a child anymore, Pete," said Lucy.

"But…oh fine." Peter slumped slightly in his seat.

"_No! Don't listen to him! He's lying through his teeth!" I said._

"_Look, just because a man in a red coat hands you a sword, it doesn't make you a hero!" Susan shouted. "Just _drop_ it!" Damn skank! STFU! You're going to get us all killed!_

"I thought Mary-Sues were supposed to be pure and have perfect morals," commented Lucy.

"Mary-Sue? What in Aslan's name is that?" asked Peter.

"Some sort of devilry?" questioned Edmund.

"Well, I've read that it's a fictitious character that is utterly perfect in every way, shape and form. Essentially, she is a too-perfect character, generally modeled after the author herself. She gets the 'hot guy,' in this case Peter. She beats everyone in fights (except when the 'hot guy' [Peter] saves her), always has a witty comeback, and is outstandingly gorgeous. Also, her past? More tragic than humanly possible," Lucy said.

"Ah…I see. So, this is a Mary-Sue?" Peter asked, gesturing to the Book.

"Yes, I would say a grade two level."

"Grade two level?" Susan clarified.

"Yes. Grade one would generally be: 'barely a Sue, but heading there.' Grade two would classify as: 'Definitely a Sue, no questions asked.' And Grade three…well…Grade three would be: 'Such a Mary-Sue, it's painful to look at.' That pretty much sums it up."

"Oh…alright then," said Edmund.

"_What will it be, Son of Adam? I won't wait forever, and neither will the river." Almost directly after Maugrim said this, I heard a loud _crack_ above us._

"_Oh no!" yelled Lucy. The ice was melting so quickly that the frozen waterfall broke, releasing tons of water upon them._

"_Hold onto me!" Peter shouted above the noise of the crash. He didn't have to tell me twice. Susan, Lucy, and I held onto his coat fast as he plunged the sword he was holding into the ice berg below them. I felt the water crash onto me, and then nothing at all for what was probably the briefest of seconds, but felt like an eternity._

"Long sentence much?" Edmund commented, taking a sip of water that a dryad had brought for him.

_I knew we were under water, but I held on tight to the fabric of Peter's coat. Just when I thought that I would suffocate from the absence of air, our heads broke through the water's surface. We gasped for breath as we floated along the river, and finally waded out of the water when our little ice berg landed along the bank. _

_When I made my way where the water meets the shore, I stumbled with the rogue wave that slapped against the back of my calves. But I never fell, as an arm had once again wrapped around my waist._

"_We can't make this a habit," Peter said wryly, looking deeply into my eyes. I smiled, despite my reddened cheeks. But my eyes widened in fear when I looked down at the empty coat in Peter's hand._

"_Peter! Look!" He looked down, also seeing that he had Lucy's jacket in his hand. But there was no Lucy!_

"_What have you done?" Susan asked shrilly. "Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!" We all called to her, but none of us saw her in the water. Peter became frantic, his eyes scanning down the river for a little head bobbing on the surface._

"_Has anyone seen my coat?" Lucy asked from behind them, where she was dripping wet and slowly making her way out of the water. Peter quickly approached her, laying her coat over her shoulders._

"_Don't worry, your brother has you well looked after," said Mr. Beaver. '_Aww, he's such a good brother!_' I gushed. _

"Oh, give me a break," muttered Edmund.

"_That_, I can agree on. I am a good brother," Peter said with a grin.

"Yes you are, Pete," said Lucy. "But you'd be a _great_ brother if you hadn't let me slip out of your hands while you fondled this '_Leana_' woman."

"That wasn't me!"

"_And I don't think you'll be needing those coats anymore," Mrs. Beaver commented. She was right. The snow had almost completely melted, and flowers were beginning to bloom in its wake. Spring was here._

"End chapter," said Edmund, heaving a sigh. He paused, dully noting that Peter and Lucy were still squabbling over the previous "good brother versus great brother" comment. Oh, well. At least he could sleep well without the nightmares the previous chapter had given him. But then again…the next was surely to bring his doom.

**Hehehe, I know it's been a while. I apologize for that, but better late than never! Oh, and I'll keep the audience in suspense for as to whom Susan was referring in her inner musings in the previous chapter—at the end, for those of you who missed it. The mystery person shall be revealed in due time…**

**-E2189 (and Witchy Pixie)**


	4. Dully Knighted

**Okay, I know it's been eons since I've worked on this. But it's in the making again with me and Witchy Pixie as co-writers. Hope you enjoy the next chapter, short though it may be.**

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><p><em>~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Chronicles of Narnia~<em>

Chapter 3 – Dully Knighted

The book sat ominously on the stool between the four, and seemed to carry an aura of malevolent power. They all shifted eyes to one another. Each seemed to be saying the same: "Hell. No."

"Peter—" Edmund started.

"NO! I REFUSE!" Peter waved his hands in front of him, as to ward off the evil.

"Now Peter, don't be so irrational," Susan said.

"N-no, you can't make me!" Peter exclaimed. He could almost feel the walls closing in on him as each of his siblings ganged up on him.

"Here, Peter. It's your turn. Now suck it up and take it like a man!" Lucy said forcefully. She dropped the book onto Peter's lap, and he jumped slightly as if it stung him.

"So much for _High King_," muttered Edmund. Susan elbowed him in the side.

"_Owch!_" Edmund sent his sister a withering glare, rubbing his abused side. She smiled sweetly in return. Peter then cleared his throat, now sitting in the _chair_. The other three all looked at him expectantly, and he began to read, though he knew it would come to bite him in the ass sooner or later.

_They walked through the grassy fields until reaching the camp, where many Narnians stopped in…whatever it was that they were doing, to look at them._

_"Why are they staring?" Susan asked._

_"Maybe they think you look weird," Lucy offered. I couldn't have agreed more. I almost laughed at the astonished expression on the other girl's face as she subconsciously tried to fix her hair. Trust me, no amount of brushing or cosmetics is going to make that nappy, greasy, split-ended hair shine and flutter in the breeze like mine._

Susan seethed as the other three tried to squash their sniggering.

"Nappy? Greasy?" Susan asked in outrage.

"Flutter in the wind?" Edmund questioned with a laugh.

"I wish she'd stop mis-quoting me," sighed Lucy.

_Once we had all gathered in front of a half-horse, half-human…thingy…Peter raised his sword._

_"We have come to see Aslan," he said. I tried my best not to drool at his sexiness. _

"Oh, Aslan…" Peter gagged.

"At least people drool over you…" Edmund muttered gloomily.

"That's a centaur, ignoramus!" Lucy exclaimed.

"Perhaps there will be a better time to have a council meeting." The four turned their heads to the library's entrance to see Orieus, his arms crossed as he raised an eyebrow. Lucy reddened. '_He didn't hear that last bit…_'

"Now, what is this about centaurs and an ignoramus?" '_Oh, so he did._'

"Well…it's a long story. Just listen, and you'll see what this is all about," said Susan.

"It's a romance novel. A vile woman is determined to make Peter her husband," Edmund quipped. Peter gave his brother the deepest scowl he could muster. Orieus's expression stayed impassive.

"This is a fictional story?" he asked.

"Yes!" Peter said quickly.

"What about it is supposed to be fictional?"

"…"

'_Even my mentor takes their side…_' Peter slouched gloomily in his chair and continued reading.

_Then, a great lion padded out of the tent to meet us. I was sure it was Aslan in all His feline glory._

_"Welcome Peter, Son of Adam. Welcome Leana, Susan, and Lucy, Daughters of Eve. And welcome to you beavers. You also have my thanks. But where is the fifth?" He asked. _

_"Well, there lies our problem," I started. "We need your help."_

_"Our brother's been captured by the White Witch," Susan blurted. Wow. What an…annoying thing. You couldn't let Peter get the words out of his mouth?_

_"Captured? How could this have happened?" asked the half-horse/human hybrid. _

Simultaneous facepalms echoed throughout the room. The four siblings made cursory glances at their general, whose entire posture had gone rigid as a board.

'_Uh, oh_,' they all thought. Peter quickly jumped back into the read.

_"He…betrayed them your Majesty," said Mr. Beaver. _

_"Then he has betrayed us all!" someone shouted from the crowd. This caused a ruckus to start within the group of Narnians. I tried not to sigh in my boredom. I knew it was all part of the story, but could we possibly fast-forward to the interesting parts? Like Peter looking sexy while kicking the asses of some evil thingies?_

_"Peace, Orieus. I'm sure there's an explanation," said Aslan. Oh, there's an explanation alright. Edmund got power-hungry, that's what. _

Edmund ducked his head in shame. Though it was so many years ago, the retelling of this somewhat painful story brought back unwanted memories, and evoked long-dormant emotions. Lucy put a hand on his shoulder in comfort.

"It's alright Ed, she's just…" The rest of her sentence was fairly incoherent.

"_What did you say?_" asked Susan, who had caught a snippet of her sister's words. Edmund blushed, and avoided Susan's probing gaze. Lucy skillfully evaded the question, and directed Peter to keep on reading.

'_Who knew my sister had such a…colorful vocabulary…_' thought Edmund. "_Maybe I've been a bad influence on her." _

_"I…I suppose I was just too hard on him. It's my fault," Peter said solemnly. I put a hand on his shoulder, my eyes telling all that was needed. '_The fault wasn't only yours_,' I thought sadly. He thanked me with his silent gaze, and I smiled. We didn't need words to communicate our feelings. _

_He returned the smile before looking back at the Lion._

Edmund made choking noises from his spot on the couch, and pretended to strangle himself. Lucy giggled irresistibly, while Susan covered her mouth with her hand in attempt to stifle her snickers. Peter's blush spread from his neck to his forehead, but he made do with a grimace as his only reply.

"So…you used sign language? I didn't know you could sign, Peter!" Lucy exclaimed. Peter gave her a withering look as the rest of his siblings dissolved into peals of laughter.

Orieus never batted an eye at the description…but he hid his true thoughts well. '_So this is what they meant by "romance." I think this may have been a mistake_,' he thought to himself.

_The next day, we were washing our clothe sin the freezing cold river. Ugh. Anyway, I was working diligently, until Lucy splashed me._

_"Gotcha!" she yelled and giggled. _

_I splashed back, and pretty soon it was an all-out water battle. It was great until I noticed Susan checking out my wet dress clinging to my chest. Was she a lesbian? That might explain a lot…Of course, she could have been looking at the necklace that had belonged to my gypsy grandmother, which supposedly had magical powers._

"…That might have been useful earlier on," said Edmund.

_It had been passed down from her to my father…who I didn't want to talk about…and then to me._

_Anyway, we were hanging clothe son a tree, when Lucy screamed. I looked over, and there was a wolf charging us!_

_I was terrified, but remained calm. I hoisted Little Lucy into the tree and—_

"WHO?" shrieked Lucy. "SHE BETTER NOT HAVE MEANT ME!"

"Well...you were a bit of a pipsqueak…" said Edmund.

Lucy responded by leaping at him and punching every inch she could reach.

Peter and Oreius hauled her off, Oreius mumbling a reproach about royal behavior, and Peter laughing so hard he could barely pull Lucy off.

_I then boosted Susan, leaving myself at risk once the others were safe. I hoisted myself gracefully onto the first branch, but then Susan, the idiot, kicked me in the head. I saw stars, and my foot slipped. The wolf snapped at it. I shrieked. _

_I kicked at it, and nearly brained it. Then it snapped again, and grazed my foot. Lucy and Susan screamed. _

_At that moment, Peter came charging into the glade at top speed, looking sexy as ever._

_"Leana!" he shouted._

"Yeah, ignore us, we're just your sisters," mumbled Susan.

_My savior! I relaxed on the branch, while watching Peter stab the wolf. He looked _incredibly _sexy. I just wanted to pounce on him right there, like a tigress. _

Peter's eyes widened in terror.

_As the wolf died, peter helped me down from the tree and hugged me._

_"Leana, thank God you're all right! I thought I'd lost you…" His blue eyes were shiny with unshed tears. _

Edmund's eyes were shiny with tears too…of laughter. Peter's face was beet red. Lucy had even gotten over the "Little Lucy" comment and cracked a smile.

Even _Oreius _was laughing. Peter glared at his battle advisor.

_"Is _no one _on my side?" _he thought, glumly.

_Then Aslan had to come over and break up what would have been a great make-out sesh, and yell at Peter about not cleaning his sword. Whatever. So peter cleaned his sword, and then Aslan knighted him._

_Oooh! Now I can call him "Sir Pete!"_

The laughter was just too much to bear. Peter threw the book to the ground and dashed out of the room.

"I would have thought my knighting was a little more interesting than that…" Peter mumbled. "She didn't even say my full title."

"So much for high king," said Susan, after she regained control.

Lucy let out a peal of laughter, and everyone started up again.

They didn't stop for a long time, and even on the other end of the castle, Peter could swear he heard their mocking tones in his ears.


	5. Gag Order

***Ducks spears, rocks, half-written flames and other paraphernalia***

**I'm SO SORRY this took so long for us to update, but we sort of lost the mojo for a while. BUT GUESS WHAT? We're back and ready for some action!**

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><p><em>~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Chronicles of Narnia~<em>

Chapter 4 – Gag Order

Gathering back in the library, Peter glaring grumpily at the book, everyone was arguing over who would read next.

"No. Absolutely not, not under any circumstances," said Susan.

"Please?" Lucy asked, using her best innocent face.

"That doesn't work anymore, now that you've proved how dirty-minded you are," said Susan. "Ed reads."

"It's Peter's story, Peter should read," said Edmund.

"Peter wants to end this insanity," said Peter. "Peter is not reading, lest he throws all of his siblings off the highest bloody room, in the highest bloody tower." Lucy and Susan shared a look of concern at seeing the slightly crazed look in their brother's eyes.

"I didn't know we were quoting from Shrek…" Edmund trailed.

"What's a…Shrek?" asked Lucy.

"Never mind. Just give me the damn book," he said, closing his eyes with a pained expression as he held out his hand.

"Good luck, Sir Pete!" said Lucy cheekily.

"I'm going to need it," muttered Peter.

_That, and a pain reliever, _he thought.

"_Follow the wolf. He will lead you to the witch's camp," said Aslan._

_Everyone gave chase, Leana in the front. Obviously._

_They reached the witch's camp. All sorts of nasty creatures populated it, and were sharpening their weapons._

_Leana gazed around, looking for Edmund. The others could deal with the fighting, while she handled the brainy part of the mission. _

_In a few seconds, she found the idiot tied to a tree and gagged. Well, THAT part wasn't so bad… Leana sighed. She supposed she'd have to take the gag off…eventually. _

"How I'd like to gag her," Susan murmured to herself. "Amongst other things…"

"Like what?" Lucy asked innocently. The Gentle Queen gave her sister a look that was partly crazed, particularly sinister.

"Maybe we could issue a gag order," Peter pondered, but mostly to himself.

_She strode up to Edmund, who looked highly grateful. As was only natural. _

_Ignoring the fighting around her, Leana undid the knots, remembering her Girl Scout training. _

"What is this girl scoutery?" asked Edmund.

"Beats me." Lucy rolled her eyes.

"I have to admit, she has a point about the gag thing...it improves you," said Susan.

Edmund shot her a glare of death's incarnate. Peter cleared his throat and began reading again.

_Leana grabbed Edmund by the hand and dragged him away and back to the camp. He probably couldn't find his way without her._

Edmund closed his eyes and waited for the horrible sounds of laughter to diminish.

_When she glanced back at him, though it was dark, she could see his scarlet blush, probably at her hand grasping his. She smiled to herself, and began skipping with him through the rest of the forest, fairly dragging him alongside her._

"…Damn it all. Do shut up, all of you," Edmund commanded with a stony glare. But his siblings paid him no mind, holding their stomachs and throwing back their heads in near hysterical laughter.

"Oooh, look at me, I'm Eddie prancing through the forest with my new girlfriend!" Peter teased. Edmund, thoroughly exasperated, didn't even have the heart to take his kind brother aside as he spoke his flat retort. Instead, he plucked the book from Peter's lap.

"…If you value your future reproductive activities…" Her paused to flip a few pages further. "Which it looks like you'll be needing it in not so distant future chapters, shut your bloody yap."

The other three regarded him with equal expressions of shock.

"Ed…?" asked Lucy, tentatively.

"I'm fine. Just read," he said grumpily, tossing the book at her.

"But it's Peter's turn!" said Lucy, blocking the book with her hands.

Peter sighed dramatically.

So long suffering.

Sigh.

"…Do I have to?"

"Yes," said three voices.

"My own flesh and blood turns against me. Oh, the irony."

Once the hilarity of mocking the eldest King died down, Peter was left glowering at his siblings and mentor, as they were still snickering quietly to themselves.

"If you all are quite _finished_," he mumbled crankily.

"We are...Leana, on the other hand…" said Susan, mischievously.

Peter fixed a glare upon the Gentle Queen, a glare that could have frozen the sun.

"Anyone else have any complaints?"

Three heads shook.

"Okay," said Peter. He sighed, and began to read again.

_If things had been left up to everyone else, they would have all been killed. As it was, Leana lead the party back to Aslan's camp with superhuman stealth. Edmund tripped about five times, and kept falling on Leana. She was beginning to think he did it on purpose…_

"Give me that...thing!" shouted Edmund, making a grab for the book. Peter fended him off, then tossed it underhand to Susan, and restrained his brother.

"You know, I don't think this chapter's so bad," he said, chuckling.

"I hate you all," said Edmund, grumpily.

Susan cleared her throat and began to read where Peter had left off.

_Finally, they reached the camp. Leana discreetly brushed off her shirt where Edmund had leaned on her._

_Aslan was clearly in serious-mode, because he had a private talk with Edmund, and then with Leana._

"_You did well today," he told her. "Without you, the expedition would surely have failed. However, this will be the least of your hardships...but the least of your triumphs."_

"_I'm ready, Aslan," said Leana._

"_I know you are, child," he replied._

_Then, the Pevensies and Leana convened over a breakfast of burnt toast that Edmund was shoving into his mouth at fifty miles per hour. Meanwhile, Peter tried to convince everyone else to stay behind, as if they were weak or something! Leana was having none of it. _

"_I'm just as great a warrior as you!" she said, staring him in the eye until he quivered._

Muffled giggles echoed throughout the room. Peter growled.

"Just keep moving...no reason to stop here."

"Err, right," said Susan, trying to get her laughter under control.

_Peter submitted to Leana immediately._

Susan stopped reading and set the book down delicately, with look of horror mixed with amusement on her face. Everyone was silent for about ten seconds.

"I...didn't know you were into that, Peter," said Edmund, valiantly trying to keep a straight face.

"LUCY IS RIGHT THERE!" shouted Peter.

"Lucy knows _exactly _what you're talking about, Sir Pete," said Lucy, wickedly. She mimed cracking a whip.

Peter turned purple.  
>"Just <em>read<em>, you sadistic freaks," he said.

"_We do need to train," said Susan. "I mean, I have a bow and arrow, btu I abrely know how to use them."_

_Leana rolled her eyes. Susan was _such _a downer. Still, she had a good point, maybe for the first time. _

"_Of course," said Leana, smiling. "We'll meet tomorrow, to train with our weapons."_

_She suggestively winked at Peter, who returned her a smile. _

Peter turned various shades of red, which deteriorated to purple. Everyone else dissolved in gales of laughter.

"I'm sure Leana would love to use weapons on you, Peter," said Susan.

"_Shut...up," _growled Peter, through his teeth.

"Oh keep your breeches on, Pete. The fun is just beginning! Hell, I'll even continue reading for you," said Edmund. He would probably regret the day he was born after this afternoon's reading session, but it would be worth it to see his brother red as a tomato once again.

With a short clearing of his throat, he began to read.

_The next morning we awoke to a bright, clear day. I was excited, since it was on this day that we would be getting to work with our given weapons. I had never fought before, but I used to be very talented at archery. I could hit any bull's eye at any range without batting a lash. _

"She seems a bit overqualified," Orieus commented. Lucy nodded in agreement.

"Of course she would be excellent at archery," muttered Susan. The other four gave her cursory glances. Peter was beginning to get worried for their sister; she was looking a bit pale, and…was her eye twitching?

_So archery only took her about five minutes to master. The horse-man…thing…said he had never seen someone with as much natural talent as me. _

"_Thank you, sir," I said demurely._

Oreius eyed the book critically while the others gave him measured glances as to gauge his reaction.

"We tried to correct her, it didn't do much," Edmund tried apologetically. Lucy elbowed him in the ribs.

"_Truly, you will soon surpass even me." Oreius was his name, I think. That's what Aslan said earlier, but to me he just looked like another overpaid meat patty._

"Oh, dear Aslan," Peter muttered, swiping a hand over his face. He looked over at his general to see his eye twitching not unlike Susan had been, though he didn't utter a sound. Somehow, this was worse. Edmund hesitantly continued, scared for what lied ahead (and for his own wellbeing, as a vein on the centaur's temple was starkly visible and pulsing).

_Anyway, I moved on to throwing daggers with Lucy. Hers missed entirely, sinking into the grass with a thud. Tears sprung to her eyes pathetically. I hid my sniggers behind my hand and subtly pushed her to the side. _

_It was my turn._

_I let it fly and smirked in satisfaction as it landed dead center._

"What! Mine was the one that hit dead center, not—ughhh!" Lucy's frustration served to make her siblings snicker, but they were soon quieted by their sister's saccharine voice.

"Do keep reading, Edmund. I want to know what happens when she starts sparring with you and Peter."

The brothers looked at one another and grimaced.

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><p><strong>Muahaha, that is where we will end it for now. Next: sparring and the arrival of the White Bitch—I mean, Witch. Stay tuned! ~<strong>

—**E2189 & WP **


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